Woke up yesterday in a dark place. I’d been feeling amazing ever since starting therapy but the dark spectre of dysphoria showed up for breakfast and stayed all day. One of my online friends, an MtF person, suggested I’m in the ‘trough’ where my estrogen levels have dropped off, causing anxiety and depression, a common issue for Trans folks. This trough struck me as the ‘Valley of the Dolls’ and inspired me to re-read the Jaqueline Susann novel from the ’60s. Still brilliant:
I am to be tested in a week to see how my body is responding chemically. Physically, I’m already seeing and feeling the effects. My nipples have become swollen and very sore, similar to the ‘growing pangs’ of my youth. The flesh under the nipples has begun to get firm, getting more solid from the inside out. At this point, nearly a month in, I can see the effect – my breasts aren’t any larger but they’re sticking out straight. Having moved past my fear of letting my androgyny be seen, it’s exciting to see the first signs of change…
…good news is, had a couple of cancellations at work and have the weekend off before my next tretment and birthday which both fall next Monday. Holding out ’till then…
Catrin Electrico 